It’s weird, isn’t it? How time seems to slow, how it seems to speed up, but really, it’s just quietly slipping along as we get trampled down and pushed aside by the challenges of life, by other people, even by ourselves. There are some people to choose to meander slowly and enjoy everything around them, but then the world passes them by as they’re taking their time.
It’s been over four months since I’ve written last.
So much has happened.
That makes it sound sort of like it’s all been doom and gloom, but really it hasn’t. It’s been a good four months, with the introduction of semester two and all the new, and old, friends that it came with.
Of course, it’s absolutely necessary and completely predictable that something boys related happened, but I think I’ll get into that rant after I quickly summarize what happened to (F)6 and all the issues it caused (it also conveniently leads into my own story quite well).
So in mid February, I found out that (F)6 liked both (G)1 and another guy, (G)4. After a bit of prodding and poking, I learned that (G)1 liked her too, so of course I tried to get them together, but it didn't work out. After a bit more of prodding and poking, I learned that (G)4 also liked her, so I tried to get them together. That time, it worked.
The thing is, I don't really like (G)4. Never did, maybe never will. The reason? Well, he reminds me of someone else, let's call him (G)5. (G)5 is an entire (and extremely long) story all by himself, but let's not get into that. I'll just say for now that if (G)4 and (F)6 had an open and honest relationship, I didn't think it was going to end well. I learned later, near the end of April, that it was most certainly not an open relationship and that I knew more about (G)4 and all his little secrets than (F)6 did. Great. Well, a week before their two-month anniversary, she dumped him, and has been more or less avoiding him ever since. He basically just mopes around the school now, having a little pity party for himself and showing up once in a while to hang out with us.
Now, for the fun part. Once I found out that (G)1 liked (F)6, I got over him pretty quickly - partly because there was someone else I had been eyeing for a while.
Let's introduce (G)6 into the story. Before this year, he was a friend of a friend, so I knew he existed before starting school, but paid almost no attention to him until second semester, mostly because we had no classes together. But in the second week of French class, there were the typical oral presentations that we had to make about ourselves, and that's when I first really noticed (G)6. Because it was mostly only a very shallow interest, and I liked (G)1 at the time, it didn't really properly exist until after I found out who (G)1 liked, and even then, it still developed very slowly because I was so caught up with all of the excitement involved with (F)6. He went away for three weeks during March, and in a weird way, I started liking him while he was gone (rather like (G)2, actually ...). Once he came back, he and I became good friends really quickly, partially because I was rather stubborn and I liked him rather a lot, so I made an effort usually not seen in brand new friendships.
And now? I don't know. I know who he likes, someone that's not important enough to have a codename in here just yet, I know that he asked her out and that she's giving him a chance - so they're sort of going out, but not really. He knows that I like(d) him, and I know that he thinks of us as just good friends. He seems to be okay with still telling me stuff that's usually "secret", and our relationship doesn't seem to have changed much from when it more or less stabilized about two weeks ago.
Earlier tonight, while he was in one of his moods (that he descends into every so often), he sort of lashed out at me about something that I had suspected was bothering him, but because he had never said anything about it, I had let it slide. Well, apparently it had bothered him and the timing was extremely unfortunate, as I had to leave before I could properly defend myself and it really seemed like I was running away =(
What will tomorrow bring? Hopefully not a catastrophic end to our relationship.
We'll see, I guess.
Life is so full of waiting - whether it's anticipation for a big party over the weekend, dreaded agonizing over the coming exams, or the worried sort of impatience to do something that I'm feeling right now - it seems like all we ever do is wait, and once whatever we're waiting for has finally arrived, we go on to wait for something else. We're just running from place to place, searching and seeking whatever it is that makes us happy - but we can't ever seem to find it.
Maybe it's just me.
As for (G)2? Ancient history. At this point, we’re just friends that still remember “those good old days” together. We’re comfortable with each other, talking about light, fluffy, everyday things. We don’t confide in each other, but there’s a level of trust. We talk at least once a week, and almost every single time, we try to plan another meeting, but our schedules just conflict too much, and at this rate, it seems like the soonest I’ll be able to see him will be at the end of June, during my exam period and while he’s preparing for his graduation. As for Bailey, I don’t know how he feels about her, or whether he still plans to confess to her – and I don’t really care much.
(G)3? Over him a while ago, as was (F)2. She's moved onto another guy, (G)7, who just happens to be (G)3's best friend. We learned a few nights ago that (G)3 used to like (F)2 in January, February. A wasted opportunity for what could have been an adorable couple ... but anyway. Now the source of rather consistant teasing, I'm fairly certain I'm safe saying both guys have a real soft spot for her, as she does for them. I would write more on the subject, but I'm feeling rather stressed =/
And finally, what happened to (G)1? Nothing, really. I stopped liking him, even though our friendship continued on steadily as ever before. This week, with several people gone to minicourses, I've been spending considerably more time with him, and considerably more attention on him, and I've noticed again just how good looking he is. I think he's in serious danger of becoming one of those category one guys that I've mentioned before.
(G)6 is beginning to fall into category two though, which is even worse.
Originally, this post was going to be a lot more related to how time just passes us by, but then the whole thing with (G)6 started, and I'm just too anxious to write anything deep XD
Another quote to wrap up my long and pointless rant of the night:
"People that are meant to be together always find their ways in the end."
Sweet, but in my opinion, utterly delusional. In fact, both (G)2 and (G)6 have said things rather similar to this (once again, sweet, but absolutely delusional). But still, it must be taken into consideration that I'm saying this from the perspective of someone that doesn't have much faith in love, and if I don't have faith in it, I can hardly believe that it's such a powerful force.
xoxo,
burningdarkfire
