Dedication, Love, and Confusion?

As I'm sure you've figured out, I'm a very dedicated, persistent person. As I'm sure you've also figured out, I'm a big fan of sarcasm (and for the record, I CAN be dedicated and persistent ... I just need a good reason).

So I thought it over, and realized it would be beyond pointless to use this blog like a diary. So why not just use it for those rants that I can't use on anyone? Only one person has this site's address, and well ... I did give it to her.

Just wanted to say ... completely over (G)1.

Also, someone has recently re-entered my life. (G)2 and I were never super close friends, but since he got a cellphone we've been texting a lot, and he referred to us as best friends. I don't know what to say to that ... I just responded in kind, but it's not quite the truth. Also, he is a huge fan of saying "ilu." It's incredibly sweet and all that, but it also gets awkward sometimes. Once again, I always respond in kind, but it's definitely not the truth.

The thing is, he's made me think a lot. If I may say so, he has fantasies about love and claims to have fallen in love already, and more than once he's mourned the fact he hasn't been able to hold a steady relationship for long.

Let me just say this: personally, I don't really believe in love. Sometimes, I look around at the older couples and think, that has to be love. Then I look at the statistics of divorces, look at everyday life, look at the boys around me. Then I think, no way does love actually exist. Maybe lust, maybe physical desires, maybe even mental connections. Love? No thanks. If it is out there, and if it does find me ... I have no plans to get married or have kids until I have a steady career, if ever.

Back to (G)2, let's just say I don't believe we're at the age that we should be looking for love, or even expecting long-term relationships. We almost got into a fight over it, then the next morning, he texted me saying, "good morning :) ilu." It's hard to resist his sweetness sometimes. We talk on the phone often now, and I look forward to hearing from him.

This week, he's on vacation and his cell isn't with him, which mean I haven't been able to talk to him at all. The thing is, I've been thinking about him a lot, and I don't know why. I told him before, when we were discussing how "dateable" he was, that I would date him if he asked me, and it's true. The thing is, I don't "like" him that way ... but I don't just simply like him as a friend either. So basically, I'm very confused.

Off to catch some zzz's, and hopefully get more stories written tonight.

xoxo
burningdarkfire